I've been quite upset lately. I couldn't figure the reason why, but subconsciously I knew why. Sometimes things don't work out the way you want it to work out. Sometimes even as much as you want it to go your way, it just doesn't work out. Most of the time, I find myself thinking about all the things that upset me. Whenever I drive back to davis, I listen to music to clear my mind. The soothing sounds allows me to let all the things that just go wrong sink in. I allow it to sink in. I am a very accepting person, and I am a person who feels strongly about my opinions. I don't change it unless someone is good enough to sway my answer. If a person were to be a part of my life, its because I want them to be. If a person were to leave my life, and I don't make an effort to keep them, I really don't need them in my life anymore. But sometimes, as much as I want to keep someone in my life, I want them gone too. I guess its good to have the comfort, but somewhere in the back of your mind, you just want them to leave. How could you want the completely opposite thing? Wanting someone to stay, but at the same time to never speak to you again? It doesn't make sense. The quote "don't ever put someone first if you only remain their option" is how I feel. I think that I've become too dependent on one person, and just now, I'm learning to be on my own. I should learn to let go some of the people in my life, even if it hurts. It may be the only way and maybe I can be happy again.

So now, I need to learn to put myself first, and keep others remaining an option.



its not a silly little moment
its not the storm before the calm.

Mad

Why am I always mad?

well duh.

its obvious.
duh duh duh duh.

ughhhh fuck you bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

motherfuckingfuckbitchshitfaceassfuckfuckfuckbitchassshitbitchassholefuckfuckfaceshitfacefuckfuckfuck!

one word

you
are
fucking
ANNOYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UGH!!!!!!!!!

ANNOYING BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!

Anticipation

i hate the anticipation of waiting for my midterm scores. Or just anything in general, like when i purchase an order online. or when im super hungry and waiting for yummy delicious food.

hmm. i really love sushi. i want some right now. Yesterday i ate sushi with my big sis & lil sis. YUM. =)

So I work at the Department of Environmental Toxicology. I like this one professor there because he acknowledges me. He's the only one that introduced himself to me, unlike the other professors, they act like i don't exist! I was even introduced to the Department Chair Professor, but he still acts like i don't exist! But anyhoos, with this professor, we smile at each other whenever we past by each other. Unlike the other professors, they ignore my face! But this professor is a cute japanese little old guy. I like him. I like the feeling of being acknowledge because it makes me feel happy knowing that he just doesn't see me as another student working in the department (like the other professors!). lol. I will try to get close to him. Maybe he can even write me a letter of recommendation if i go to professional schooling. damn i feel great already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im just kidding. im stupid. goodbye

Happy birthday Truc! Yay we are the same age, just for now. But next week I will be older! hahaha. <3

It's not a silly little moment,
It's not the storm before the calm.
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love that we've been working on.

Can't seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms.
Nobody's gonna come and save you,
We pulled too many false alarms.

We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.

I was the one you always dreamed of,
You were the one I tried to draw.
How dare you say it's nothing to me?
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw.


Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?

Improvement

I want to be a new person this school year. Well, to a good start, I've been good lately for going to class. I actually attend my 8am class that happens to be on Monday-Friday! I know, I really deserve an award for all of my attendance. Even though I sometimes sleep at 3am, I STILL wake up for that damn class! I haven't even skipped any days of work (i usually do). And I work everyday too! Gosh I have just been so darn good! By the end of this quarter, if I do well, and I go to all of my classes, I think shopping is calling out my name for me. hehehe. hehehe. ok. fine. I won't shop. That doesn't stop me even if I was doing bad or good. I will just award myself with a nice big dinner of sushi for me, myself, and I. YAY.

Things I DO need to improve:
1. STOP STUDYING LAST MINUTE
studying is a process that takes time, and everyday (including weekends) I MUST study for each of my classes for 1-2 hours.
2. STOP SLEEPING LATE
sleeping late makes me super tired in the morning
3. STOP NAPPING
i can only nap only if i am extremely exhausted from a night of studying
4. BE POSITIVE
being happy well cause me to be more confident during my exams
5. DONT GO ON AIM
i realize i spend countless hours chatting on aim when i could be doing something productive during those hours when i mindlessy just chat to everyone about god knows what

Yes! I feel better already! =)

ahhh. somebody SHOOT ME.
im sooo sleepy.
kill meeeeee so i can sleep forever

the Random likes

So the Winter time makes my hands dry. When my hands are dry they are susceptible to papercuts. I work in an office and print things, im getting papercuts! Ouchiess. It's stupid how a thin piece of paper can cut you and it actually bleeds.

You know what I really like to do. I like to laugh. Laughing makes everything so much better. Laughing is good for you and here are my reasons:

1. makes you happy

2. exercises your tummy

3. breaks the awkward moments

4. makes the time fly by

5. lower your chances of getting a heart attack

6. bonds people together

7. and its SO FUN!

I like to eat desserts before my meal. I think it taste better even though I don't really have a sweet toothe. I really like pumpkin pie though. YUM. =)

I like waking up naturally because it feels as if I just had the best sleep ever! I hate waking up by an alarm because I feel forced to wake up and I end up being more tired. I also like taking naps. Napping is so relaxing after a long hard day. (like today, can't wait to take my nap!)

I like shopping and pretending that I don't have a limit. Although when I go up to the register I feel horrible, but then I just become overwhelmed by the happiness of getting new things! Then sometimes I would feel guilty again, but I'd repeat my shopping habit over and over and over again. I like shopping for makeup and buying the colors that I know I will never wear. Although I use to wear colored makeup in high school, I don't do it anymore. I feel as if I look like a clown. lol I stick with just the basic colors.

I like Winter wear. I love wearing jackets and long sleeves and boots. I like sleeping and feeling all warm and cozy inside. Even though the sky looks gloomy, it adds a nice feeling to Winter time. Sometimes Winter can be depressing, but its okay, I enjoy staying at home drinking hot drinks and chatting online. <3

Gut Feeling

UGH.

Its funny how sometimes when you have a gut feeling about somebody, but you end up giving them a chance because you try to ignore the fact that your gut feeling is RIGHT. You make exceptions for them, when you really shouldn't. It's so weird when you think they are really COOL and to find yourself slap right across the face when you find out something you'd think they'd never do, but then again resolve back to that gut feeling you'd been feeling inside. mannn was your gut feeling right? Can't go wrong with that gut feeling.

keep your friends close. <3
i love my friends.

bloop bloop bloop bloop

i feel weird.

...