I've been quite upset lately. I couldn't figure the reason why, but subconsciously I knew why. Sometimes things don't work out the way you want it to work out. Sometimes even as much as you want it to go your way, it just doesn't work out. Most of the time, I find myself thinking about all the things that upset me. Whenever I drive back to davis, I listen to music to clear my mind. The soothing sounds allows me to let all the things that just go wrong sink in. I allow it to sink in. I am a very accepting person, and I am a person who feels strongly about my opinions. I don't change it unless someone is good enough to sway my answer. If a person were to be a part of my life, its because I want them to be. If a person were to leave my life, and I don't make an effort to keep them, I really don't need them in my life anymore. But sometimes, as much as I want to keep someone in my life, I want them gone too. I guess its good to have the comfort, but somewhere in the back of your mind, you just want them to leave. How could you want the completely opposite thing? Wanting someone to stay, but at the same time to never speak to you again? It doesn't make sense. The quote "don't ever put someone first if you only remain their option" is how I feel. I think that I've become too dependent on one person, and just now, I'm learning to be on my own. I should learn to let go some of the people in my life, even if it hurts. It may be the only way and maybe I can be happy again.

So now, I need to learn to put myself first, and keep others remaining an option.



its not a silly little moment
its not the storm before the calm.